09 Jul Coming Sort of Out, Kinda, Mostly…
Greeting, for those of you paying close attention, this is my second blog in under a week. I don’t think that this is going to be the standard, but rather, since I’m brand new to this medium, I’m simply bursting with blogginess, I’m a force of blogging nature let loose upon the Internets tubes, I’m…, well you get the point.
This episode is about my selective coming out and the anxiety and frustration and joy and giddiness and fear that I’m feeling. As I may have mentioned in my previous blog, I’ve been on a Do-It-Yourself Hormone Replacement Therapy program (DYI-HRT) for a little over 6 years, in the closet, but with caveats.
As my appearance have changed and as I’ve take to different hair removal and grooming practices, I’m pretty sure folks noticed little things here and there over time since I see practically everyone I know during any given week.
A few years into my HRT I started replacing some of my wardrobe – mostly unmentionables, maybe some tee-shirts, a pair of jeans here and there, and a daintier style of jewelry. These changes on garnered a few glances and not much else since most of the clothing items were hidden or mostly covered.
After another year or so I took a big step and over the course of a month or so I tossed, or bagged up and gave away to Good Will, my entire boy wardrobe; by this point I had slowly and steadily built up a full girl wardrobe – no dresses, just jeans, T’s, blouses, coats, sweaters, jackets, shoes and a lot of jewelry. Now these were unmistakably women’s clothes, but I’m pretty sure that may general presentation added up to a man with long hair wearing woman’s clothes, and the reaction on all fronts was immediate, but no one, no matter how close to me or no matter how out spoken ever (up till July 4th, 2012 – more about that in my July 4th blog) said a word about it.
My hair has been very long most of my life, so to most family, friends, co-workers and townsfolk, that part of my look was normal to them. But as a whole package, and to strangers, I started getting extra sideways glances, double takes, and the like, and a few “Can I help you mam” or when I was with a female companion, “Can I help you ladies”.
For a long time this was just how I presented to the World and I was kind of resigned to just go on with my DIY HRT regime, where mostly what I wanted and just generally float through life – fundamentally unhappy, restrained, anxious, moody, and probably more angry that I’d like to admit. Then, recently, I discovered YouTube.
I am the IT Gal for a small start-up, so besides hardware, software and networking functions I also designed, publish and maintain the companies websites and corporate image on the Internet. As part of my online duties, last year I put together a Facebook page and setup a Twitter account for the sales team to play with. This year as part of my marketing function at the company, I was investigating to possibility of producing some videos about the science behind our products, our products functionality, and interviews with our lead scientists, CEO and COO, and then posting them on YouTube. Soo, I got me on to the YouTube, found music videos I liked, found gardening tip, cooking tips, a video on how to build a ramp for my shed, videos on how to repair a stone paver patio, sciencey videos closely related to the topics I wanted to produce, and then, out of the blue, I stumbled upon the YouTube Transgender Community, and rest is history – all be it recent history.
Amongst the many trans girls and women I found on YouTube, two girls touched, moved and inspired me with telling of their transition stories – Jesslyn and Jordan (if you girls want me not to mention you, please let me know and I’ll edit you out). Both of these girls with their wonderful stories of transition exhibited courage and bravery in the face of often trying transition moments, but presented themselves with grace and strength, poise and beauty, and always remembering who they are and are getting where they need to be – so incredibly together. These two girls, half my age, strong, determined, resolved, out, meeting the World as who they are, comfortable with themselves, in their skin, in their souls, and me, hiding in the shadows, just existing, not living. I decide to make a change.
As wonderful and inspirational as Jesslyn and Jordan are to me, they are both near their transitional finish lines, and are at that exciting place where they can just live their lives as they were born too – happy, beautiful women, with the ups and downs, joys and sorrows of their transitionary period fading behind them. I love these girls, but for me, although I’ve been slowly transitioning along for a very long time, for my part, I was about make my move down the transition road and started searching for a few girls closer to the beginning stages of their transition so I would have some fellow travellers to help me on my transition path. And that’s when I found Lea.
At this point I was resolved to come out of the closet, get on a medically supervised transition and begin my road to a complete me, but how to go about this coming out business? To find some girls at the beginning of their transition I searched terms like “1 year on HRT”, or “6 months HRT”, or “1 month HRT”, and by dumb luck I found a young, early transitioner named Lea. Her story, like Jesslyn’s and Jordan’s inspired me, and moved me, and with all of this inspirational overload and mixed emotion and joy and confusion swirling around in my little brain, I came out to Lea.
Here’s my original frantic message to Lea:
Hi, Leah I believe? My new name as of about three days ago is Friday, Friday Anne Keyes. I have been quietly transitioning, in the closet, on hormones for about 7 years. Although I don’t think I’ve changed that dramatically (except mentally and emotionally for the better), I’m pretty sure people, and family and friends, are noticing since my circle of friends and family wanting to spending with me has steadily and all most imperceptably shrunk to almost zero. I’m an IT professional, but new to YouTube. Recently I viewed some very inspirational videos from some transitioning girls like yourself and have been moved to push my own transformation forward. To that end, I’m officially coming out as transgendered, to you, you’re the first. I hope you take this with the sincerity with which it is offered. I could use a friend in the community; I have a lot to offer and a lot to learn. I have just start a YouTube channel using the name Friday Anne Keyes, but have not populated it with any content yet – the same for new Twitter and Facebook accounts. This weekend I will be making my first Vlog, so I will obviously be pretty green. Any tips and support will be appreciated. I’d like to open a dialogue with you, if you’re interested, but I do not know the proper protocols or etique used by any social media – so advice there would be welcome as well. So I’m out! That was easy – not I just need to tell my mom, my boss and my doctor. Thanks for your videos. Yours, Friday Anne Keyes.
I’m sure someday that wil have some great historical import. (Lea, if you want me to remove that I will, but I hope you won’t – it would make the whole posting just plain stupid.)
In my introductory blog I stated that the purpose of this blog series was to chronicle my MTF transition from now forward, and now that that’s out of the way, I can move forward.
My next step in my journey was to my doctor – General Practioner, but that’s for the next posting.
Thanks and Lots of Love,
Friday Anne
07/09/2012